What to do if your child is being bullied: A parent's guide

No parent is prepared for the moment their child tells them they’re being bullied. So, what should you do when it happens?

Most advice about bullying tells you to stay calm and speak to the school, but when it’s your child on the receiving end, high emotions can make things difficult. And, in reality, while “talk to the school” is great advice, it’s not usually the first step. Before you make that call, there are things you’ll need to know: how to encourage your child to open up and share the full picture, for example, and how to make any conversation with their school as effective as possible.

Whether you’ve just found out your child is being bullied or you’ve been trying to make headway for weeks, this practical and honest guide covers everything you need to know to start the right conversation, work with schools, and support your child’s recovery. Dealing with bullying isn’t always straightforward, but it is possible, and you don’t have to work it out alone.

In a nutshell: If your child is being bullied, start by listening without reacting, then document every incident and raise the issue with the school using their anti-bullying policy as your framework. If the response isn't good enough, escalate through the headteacher, governors, and local authority. Alongside the practical steps, focus on rebuilding your child's confidence — and keep checking in long after things improve.

What to do when your child is being bullied: Step by step

Once you have a better picture of the bullying your child is experiencing, you’ll be better armed to take action. Not sure where to start? We’ve condensed a helpful guide into six steps you can follow. The process may not feel easy when you’re in the midst of it, but it’s always good to have a clear idea of your next steps.

Step 1: Try to get the full picture

Some children will tell their parents straight away when something’s wrong. Others find it more difficult to open up and may go weeks or longer without saying a word. It’s not necessarily because they don’t trust their parents, but often because they’re scared, embarrassed, or convinced that talking will make things worse.

It’s important to have the clearest possible picture of what’s happening in order to get the best resolution from your child’s school, but getting the details can take time and patience.

If you’re struggling to get your child to open up, try having the conversation casually in a calm setting (like in the car or on a walk), open with observation rather than questions (for example, “I’ve noticed you seem a bit low lately”), and listen more than you speak.

Step 2: Start documenting right away

After you speak with your child, make sure to write everything down. Keeping a digital record on your phone or computer can make it easier to share with the school later.

If possible, list dates, times, what happened, and how it affected your child. Take photos of any injuries or damaged belongings, and screenshot any online messages.

Having this evidence makes every conversation with the school more concrete and harder to dismiss.

Step 3: Read the school’s anti-bullying policy

Every school in the UK is legally required to have an anti-bullying policy, and it’s usually available on their website.

If you read it before you contact the school, you’ll know exactly what they’re obligated to do in response to the bullying. The policy should give you a clear framework to hold the school to, and you can refer to it at any time while talking to them.

Step 4: Request a meeting with the school

Your child’s form tutor or Head of Year is often a good first contact to resolve bullying; if your child has special educational needs, you may also choose to contact the school’s SENCO.

Where possible, try to go in calmly. If it helps, take someone with you for support, like another relative.

It’s also important to be specific and share all the information you’ve recorded. The goal of this first meeting isn’t confrontation; it’s making sure the school understands what’s happening and getting them to commit to taking the first action.

Step 5: Agree on the next steps

Before you leave your meeting with the school, make sure to ask them to clearly detail what they plan to do and when they plan to do it. Note that the first step may be investigating the situation rather than disciplining the bully; the school may also be unable to share the exact outcome of the investigation and resolution for safeguarding reasons.

Once you’ve got their answer, follow up with a brief email summarising what was agreed. This keeps everyone accountable and gives you a paper trail if things don’t improve.

Step 6: Escalate if you need to

It’s important that schools handle bullying as quickly as they can, to prevent any further harm from occurring. If progress stalls and you feel the school isn’t taking the actions they promised, move up the chain. You can contact the deputy head next, then the headteacher, and even the school’s governors if you need to.

If you’re still not satisfied, you have a right to contact your Local Education Authority (LEA), or your Academy Trust in the case of academy schools. Follow the school’s formal complaints procedure at each stage, and keep your record of incidents updated throughout.

What about cyberbullying?

While cyberbullying or e-bullying is sometimes downplayed because it happens in the virtual world, it can be just as serious as any other form of bullying, and schools should address it as such.

There are, however, some slightly different steps to take with cyberbullying. First, remember to screenshot everything, as evidence can disappear quickly. Some platforms, such as Snapchat and Instagram, only store certain types of content for up to 24 hours.

Next, alongside talking to the school, remember that you can also take steps to address the problem through the platforms themselves. Most social media platforms and online gaming services have anti-harassment policies and reporting tools. Your child can also block the person involved. It’s a good idea to review your child’s privacy settings alongside them too, which can be a good opportunity to refresh them on internet safety.

How to work effectively with your child’s school

“Talk to the school” is arguably the most important step in dealing with bullying, and the most common piece of advice parents will hear. Of course, we know that this often leaves out the reality: conversations can be difficult, schools don’t always respond as quickly as you’d hope, and parents sometimes leave meetings feeling unheard.

If this describes what you’ve been going through, we’ve put together some practical tips to help you get the most from your contact with the school.

Be as specific as possible. Even though your child’s teachers are with them throughout the day, they may not have seen the bullying take place. Giving them names, dates, and concrete incidents makes it easier for them to investigate the situation, which is the first step to getting any resolution.
Try going in as a partner, not an opponent.While your feelings are valid if you believe your child’s school has failed them, teachers and Heads of Year genuinely want to resolve these situations in the vast majority of schools.
Ask for a named point of contact. Having one person responsible for your case means nothing gets lost between departments. It’s also good for your child to have someone trusted they can go to if further bullying occurs before your next update.
Put everything in writing after meetings. Alongside holding the school accountable and giving you a paper trail if you need to escalate this situation, emailing the school with a follow-up summary after each meeting ensures everyone is on the same page and there are no misunderstandings about what will happen next.
Don’t wait too long for updates.If you’ve agreed on a review date and haven’t heard anything, don’t be afraid to chase it. A polite, factual email or phone call is often enough to get the ball rolling again.
Know when to escalate. If you feel progress has stalled, it’s entirely reasonable to say: “I’d like to bring this to the headteacher’s attention if we can’t agree on next steps today.” Stating this clearly (and calmly) often prompts faster action.

How to support your child emotionally through bullying

Practical steps matter, but so does what happens at home every day. Even when bullying is in the process of being resolved, the whole ordeal can still be deeply emotional and stressful for your child. When things feel shaky at home, how they feel in their own space will shape their recovery process.

Be their safe space first

It’s always important that children feel comfortable being honest at home. Depending on the child, that can mean listening without jumping to fix things, letting them vent without interruption, avoiding minimising phrases like “kids can be cruel,” and reminding them that they’re not to blame. One thing worth emphasising to your child is that being bullied says nothing about their worth. It reflects the bully’s behaviour, not their own.

Help them process, not just cope

Some children like to talk. Others need to draw, write, or move their bodies. Follow your child’s lead to help them process the situation. If you feel like they’re holding their emotions back rather than working through them, you may want to suggest some tools and techniques of your own: journalling, for example, or texting a trusted family member, can be helpful for teenagers who struggle to talk openly about bullying.

Rebuild confidence through what they love

Bullying often causes children to pull back from the activities and friendships that make them feel good. Reconnecting them with hobbies they enjoy (such as sports, music, art, or gaming) gives them a space where they’re valued for who they are. It also gives you a chance to celebrate their small wins, which can help rebuild your child’s worth and confidence over time.

Watch for what lingers

Watch for lingering responses. Emotional recovery doesn’t always follow the same timeline as the bullying itself. Even after the situation is resolved, watch for ongoing anxiety, reluctance to trust new people, or avoidance of certain places or situations. Gentle, open check-ins over the following months can also help your child feel continuously supported.

How to get additional support for parents and children

You don’t have to navigate this situation alone, and neither does your child. There are organisations specifically set up to help families through bullying, whether you need immediate advice, ongoing support, or specialist guidance.

Additional bullying support for parents

The following services run free parent advice lines and/or provide practical guidance and resources. Some also provide specialist resources for parents of children with SEN.

Don’t forget to look after yourself too. Parental stress is real, and your own wellbeing can directly affect how well you can support your child.

Additional bullying support for children

There are also some resources you can help your child access directly if they feel comfortable.

Childline offers children free, confidential support online and by phone
YoungMinds creates mental health resources designed for children and young people as well as parents

Seeking professional support

Remember, if your child’s mental health or wellbeing is significantly affected, it’s important to speak to your GP, the school’s pastoral and safeguarding team, or a professional counsellor or therapist. Getting professional support early makes a real difference.

Could online school be the right step?

It’s always important that your child’s current school tackles the bullying they’re dealing with, and the steps above should help you get the resolution you’re looking for.

Of course, sometimes, families can feel like they’ve been let down by their school environment. In other cases, even after the bullying stops, a child may feel anxious about going back to school for fear of another incident.

In these cases, the question becomes bigger: “Does my child need a completely fresh start to thrive?” If you’ve been asking yourself the same question, you may want to consider a different type of education, such as online school.

At King’s InterHigh, we’ve welcomed numerous students who’ve left traditional school environments due to bullying. When Tegan’s daughter Alliyah broke down one day, for example, she knew something had to change. Our Year 12 student Elsa, meanwhile, faced severe bullying alongside unmet needs at mainstream school.

For students like these, learning from home means no playground taunting, no shoving in corridors, and no stolen belongings that make the school day feel like something to survive. At the same time, they get all the benefits of a full, online education: live, interactive lessons with experienced teachers, flexible learning with lesson recordings, and personalised support for SEND and wellbeing.

The environment outside the classroom matters too. King’s InterHigh students form genuine friendships through online clubs, social activities, and in-person meetups, with an inclusive global community of classmates to connect with. For children who’ve had their confidence knocked, that kind of environment can be the difference between dreading school and actually wanting to show up.

“[Elsa] was really badly bullied, and when you’re being bullied for your disabilities, it’s a really horrible situation. She got her confidence back at King’s InterHigh. She got confidence and a love for learning back very quickly.”

Helen

Elsa's mum → READ THEIR STORY

If this sounds like it might suit your child, King’s InterHigh offers a welcoming induction process and students can join at any time of year — there’s no need to wait for September.

Book a discovery call with us to discuss your child’s needs or send us a message online with your questions.

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There’s always a next step

Getting to the end of a process like this often takes real persistence, from the conversations to the school meetings to the slow rebuilding of confidence. Sometimes, it can even feel like you’re running out of options. But remember that there’s always a next step. If the school isn’t responding, you can escalate. If the environment itself isn’t working for your child, there are many educational approaches out there.

The path isn’t always smooth, but try to stay resilient. You and your child will get through this, and there are people and resources to help you along the way.